Piscatoro

Amalgamated Press
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

An amazing new species has been created in the genetics labs of Mexico. Scientists at Rexusame, a high-powered genetics research lab in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, today displayed startling evidence of just how far the technology of "gene-splicing" has advanced. Dr. Lisa Monme, senior geneticist at Rexusame, exhibited to an astonished press corps a very special tank of fish. Dr. Monme, using recombinant DNA techniques, has combined the genes of Brahma cattle and the Pacific Silver salmon.

The resulting creatures look quite similar to normal salmon, but have coal-black scales, and the "Brahmin bulge" in the middle of their backs. In addition, the males sprout small pointed horns just above the eyes, giving them that classic "longhorn" look. The flesh of the creatures is a deeper red than is typical for salmon, and it has a marbled pattern one normally associates with beef. Indeed, the meat is said to have the aroma and flavor of a quality steak.

These amazing hybrids have captured the imagination of the locals, who have dubbed them piscatoros, or bull-fish. Dr. Jim Honmon, head of SUSG, (the international genetics oversight body, Societe Unite de Scientist Genetique) is already being petitioned to allow the breeding and sale of the piscatoros.

In anticipation of a lively tourist trade, local craftsman Harker Cidling displayed a fish tank modeled on the Puerto Vallarta bullfighting arena, complete with gravel, air filter, and a plastic matador wearing a deep-sea diver's helmet. Restaurateur Lon Sernoss of the Cantina Mosca de Jungle has vowed to be the first to feature grilled piscatoros on his menu.

Quizzed by reporters on why she had chosen the specific combination of DNA from cattle and salmon, Dr. Monme smiled and replied cryptically, "I think pelicans should eat more beef."